**Everyone’s postpartum journey looks different.  When I was pregnant with my first, I thought I knew what to expect with postpartum.  I had heard about the sleepless nights, the challenges of breastfeeding, and the baby blues.  I thought I knew what was in store.  But everyone always said “the moment you meet your baby face to face for the first time you’ll forget all the stress of pregnancy and labor” and “you’ll quickly adjust to the lack of sleep”  

What no one prepared me for, however, was postpartum depression.  It hit me like a freight train the moment I gave birth.  I know that sounds crazy, but it really was immediate.  They laid my beautiful baby girl on my chest for the first time and I felt nothing. I kept waiting for that feeling.  The immense joy.  The overwhelming happiness.  Nothing.  We got home the next day and I felt completely numb.  No connection at all.  Then the lack of sleep really started to hit me around the 3 day mark.  Something wasn’t right.  I wasn’t bonding.  I wasn’t feeling those feelings everyone told me about. There must be something wrong with me.  Right?

Get Help

I opened up to my mom and my husband.  They were so understanding- but also at the same time, they knew nothing at all.  No one in my family had ever experienced anything like this before.  They thought “She’s just tired”.  They started taking shifts with the baby so I could catch up on some sleep.  But even when I had the time to sleep, I couldn’t.  My heart felt like it was constantly beating out of my chest.  I would just lay there and cry for days.  Finally, after about a week I talked to my healthcare provider.  She told me I was experiencing postpartum depression. She also told me how incredibly common this was and that all of these feelings were normal.

You will get better!

  About one in eight women experience postpartum depression symptoms in the first year after giving birth.  My doctor got me connected with a counselor and got me started on medication.  It wasn’t immediate- but within the next few weeks, I could feel myself getting better.  I had small moments of joy where I would find myself smiling and laughing.  I slept.  I left the house to run small errands.  And best of all I bonded with my daughter.  Looking at her now as a 2-year-old it’s hard to imagine that those feelings weren’t there right away.  She is my absolute world and I love her more than I could ever express. By the 4-month mark, 99% of my PPD was gone.  I was back to my happy-go-lucky attitude- and I loved being a mother.  

To anyone reading this who is pregnant or newly postpartum- my number one piece of advice is this- it WILL get better. It is okay to feel these feelings. As new mothers, we are experiencing the most insane hormonal shifts between pregnancy, birth, and trying to shift back to normal. 

Talk to Someone

There is zero shame in admitting that you are struggling.  There is zero shame in seeing a therapist or counselor.  There is zero shame in medication.  Things will get better, but only if you are willing to talk.  

To anyone who is supporting a newly postpartum mother: look out for the signs. Be the best support you can by educating yourself on PPD.  There are countless resources available.  

The US Department of Health and Human Services offers resources and support to women who may be experiencing PPD. Click here.

**This personal story is in no way intended to replace medical advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact your healthcare provider.

For BlueWaterParent.com – Alyssa Dock