Parenting blogger, Jackie Davidson, shares her tips and tricks for managing the holidays with a child with autism.

Holidays Can Be a Struggle

For many autistic kids holidays are a struggle. A loss of control, predictability, crowds, and implied social cues create an autism nightmare for both the child and the parents. As parents, we have to change our expectations of holidays for our kids and help manage others’ expectations as well. You might be surprised how hard managing others’ expectations can become when it comes to times when family tradition has always been important. I met one of my closest autism mom friends by asking her how her holiday was and she said it was “okay” because her son is autistic and for once I felt like I got a response at school pickup that I could relate to!

Here are a few suggestions to help make some of these moments into positive memories for everyone. 

You Don’t Have to Participate

First of all, just not participating is an option and for some, it’s the best choice. If a child won’t enjoy any of the festivities or if it will actually hurt them it might be worth it to just skip the tradition and make your own. Here’s your pass to do what’s right for your child no matter what.

What About Siblings?

For some, skipping events isn’t an option because they have other children who happen to be neurotypical. In that case, you have to do the best you can for everyone, which means compromising. For example, my family has always gone to Frankenmuth, Michigan around Christmas time for a big day of eating and picking out ornaments from Bronners. We are well aware that a trip would be uncomfortable in many ways for our daughter but everyone still deserves a tradition. Luckily my family didn’t miss a beat and changed gears easily. It wasn’t an option just to leave Lydia out and for that I am grateful. We now go to a smaller event here in town as a whole group and it works much better.

Do Your Research

Something we have found helpful is doing our research. We look for smaller apple orchards that don’t have all the bells and whistles. We typically choose a farm to pick pumpkins that also has play gyms for all ages, and some animals, and even give a bag of sensory tools to your child if you request it. For Halloween, we stick to just our neighborhood loop and leave it be. It’s a great opportunity to teach Lydia how to interact with strangers with little to no expectations put upon her and the other kids get to get their candy and they are delighted. We completely skip trunk or treating and big Halloween parties. We have found that our holidays are a little more barebones and we stick to traditional standards. It has not only been good for Lydia, but also for all of us by making our holidays less stressful.

Ask Ahead of Time When Visiting Other Homes

Thanksgiving is fun because of the food, right? Unfortunately, most autistic kids are extremely picky eaters. I know most people deal with picky eating with their kids at some point, but this is a different level. Always bring your child’s safe foods and perhaps try to show up close to eating so it starts off with a meal. If there are a lot of people make sure to check ahead of time for somewhere to call your safe space. I call ahead to any gathering to either check it out or ask them where a good place to take Lydia is if it gets to be too much. At this point, my friends and family already have a plan before we even ask. By making your child’s needs known, they are then known! In the kindest way, please speak up.

How to Manage Gifts

When it comes to Christmas there is a lot to think about. Perhaps you don’t wrap the gifts so there is less pressure. Allow your child to explore the gifts in their own time. We wrap Lydia’s in a Lydia-specific wrapping paper so she always knows what is hers and what’s not. If your child is a collector, that Christmas tree is tempting. Ours tends to be empty from mid way down: out of sight out of mind. Remember it’s okay to only have one Christmas celebration and it’s also okay to teach siblings about compromising for the entire family. This is teaching acceptance, tolerance, and understanding to everyone!

Always Host if Possible

My last suggestion is, when you can, host the holiday. Kids do best in their own space. If you can’t, always take two cars so if they are just not enjoying it, someone can take them home but the others won’t miss out. My husband and I divide and conquer often and we know at the end of the day we did the best we could for everyone.

Story and photos by Jackie Davidson for BlueWaterParent.com.

All content of BlueWaterParent.com is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.