Parenting blogger and autism activist, Jackie Davidson, reflects on the loss of “The Village” for modern parents.
What is a Village?
I am 37 years old and when I was growing up my mom had what she called a “village”. The village was a group of parents with their kids who would help each other out. They would take turns being with all the kids so one could run errands or clean. They would plan play dates at big parks or the zoo. They would spend hours on the phone talking about who knows what (probably us kids), laugh, and feel not alone.
As a mom in today’s society, I am here to announce that the village has moved. It’s not common to have people like my mom’s generation did. We have friends but not a village. It’s rare to have people who will spend time with other kids for no other reason than the favor will be returned and/or for the feeling of company. Social media and tablets have possibly replaced our village.
Surviving not Thriving
There tends to be a lot of surviving happening. Both parents have to work to cover the grocery bill. Stay-at-home parents feel like they can’t rely on anyone else to do it as well as they can and at the core, there is also fear. We fear letting others watch our kids because of the news and what we hear happens. These things probably have always happened but now it can reach millions of people in a minute, and the more info we have the more negative things we know as well as positive.
This often leads to us only relying on our family, if possible. And some of those people who can’t rely on their families are those with autistic kids. Sometimes, along with society, not even our families are willing to learn and give grace to our children. Sometimes they fear (as do we) watching our kids because they don’t want something bad to happen. Sometimes they are uncomfortable watching our kids because it’s hard. It is really hard and no one knows it more than we do.
Speak Up, You’ve Got Nothing to Lose!
It was extremely important to me to collaborate with BlueWaterParent.com to launch the Autism Guide because we parents of autistic children need each other. For some, we are the only village we have. I find many people still keep their child’s diagnosis to themselves and are silent about it for fear of stigma. To that, I say, stigmas are everywhere and it’s inevitable even if someone isn’t autistic. As for staying quiet, to each their own, but in my humble opinion you are missing your opportunity.
There was a saying going around a little while ago on social media that said, “I used to suffer in silence and now I heal out loud”. Be loud. Be proud of not only what your child is accomplishing, but what YOU are fighting through. Feel empowered by explaining life and the diagnosis. This is important for both you and your child or friend with autism.
Reclaim the power by introducing your child as who they are by explaining right away they are autistic and they’re not ignoring them. Let people know from the start that their brain works differently from some other brains, but do not steer clear. In other words, do not give up but instead help them make connections.
We Need Each Other
From my own experience, I have never shied away. I’m sure there are times when people are like “Okay well that’s not all of who Lydia is so why does she say it right away?” It is who she is and I have immense pride in her. Also, Lydia can’t tell you this about herself yet. But I’d like to believe she would love for everyone to be able to treat her with respect, boundaries, and personal social capabilities without thinking about it or judging her like we so easily do for typical kids. I’d like to think that Lydia would appreciate that people didn’t ask her questions once and then never talk to her again because they thought she was rude. That is my job right now. When she does, I hope she always takes pride in being autistic and the mountains she has climbed and I pray she will comfortably let people know she is autistic and her life will feel smoother because of it.
In the same respect, reclaim your pride and power by voicing that you are a special needs parent. This will do a few things, people will not pity you. They will respect you. People won’t beat around the bush when asking about your kids; they will feel like the bridge has already been crossed. It will also let other autism parents know you’re there. We need you. This is one important way to find your village!
Story by Jackie Davidson for BlueWaterParent.com.
All content of BlueWaterParent.com is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.
